Friends,
This is a season where people you know may be looking for a place to celebrate Easter or a place to call home on their spiritual journey. I have met countless people who have been shocked, hurt and even surprised by a church... their church. The church they have called home has said they were welcome until, well, they were not. This is a season of church shopping. I want to offer one suggestion… a simple question to help: “Do you march in Pride Parade?”
It is true that I happen to be a pastor who has always marched in Pride Parade, and it is true that I would love for you to come to the Abbey. I started it because I want people to make it a home. But it is also true that folks have all kinds of things they are seeking in a church… like bell choirs and organs, and particular programs, or dark wood pews that we may not have. I will be happy to help you find that place. I have marched in Omaha’s Pride Parade since 2007, and every year there are more churches, and you have choices that range in style of music, and size of congregation, and one or two from almost every mainline Protestant denomination. So this question may lead you to the Abbey, or it may lead you somewhere else that makes you feel right at home and ready for spiritual growth.
Ask this question… even if you don’t like parades or never plan to march in one. Ask it because it is an action question. The answer is yes, or it is no... or maybe it is, "We have for 20 years," or "Yes, two years ago," or "We are this year," or "Sure, we could." It gets right past if the church defaults to a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” sort of attitude on inclusion. It cuts right though all of of the modern aesthetics and let’s you know right away if you are really just walking into some 1950’s worship dressed up in skinny jeans and high production value.
Every church says they are welcoming. I almost hate to write that about the Abbey because I have heard so many stories of people that got hurt at a welcoming church: People who were welcomed, and then when their partner came for the first time were pulled aside and called a sinner by people they thought they knew and loved. I know people who have invested in a church that decided their child fell under the category of “Hate the sin but love the sinner,” or has suggested it would be okay to be a Christian if they are committed to a life of celibacy. Which fails to celebrate the fullness of being that God created.
The other question I would ask is, “Can a woman be the senior pastor?” Recently, a family learned that the church they called home and supported financially did not allow women to lead as pastors. They learned this when they requested a clergy woman offer the eulogy and participate in the leadership of the funeral service for her uncle, and they said “No,” because she was a woman. That family left the church they thought they loved at a moment when one needs a church home. They had no idea. Know your church. Ask questions... and make them answer with action and with how life is practiced. Ask the question for the girls in your life that you believe should see a different kind of leader in church. Ask the question because you believe in equal participation, or because you want to give to support inclusion, or because you want to know whether this is about a system excluding women or if a Bishop just hasn’t gotten around to appointing a woman in leadership at that church… yet.
I think these two questions help clarify how a church really includes people… so ask them, because every church says everyone is welcome and that we are going to change the world together, but actions speak. Ask these questions and let them be a starting point to ask more. This, of course, does not mean these churches are perfect… people are involved. And that means someone is going to say the wrong thing or be incredibly awkward at some point. It means that, just like in any other human institution, there will be politics, privilege and struggle, but at the end of the day... even if imperfectly so… I believe they are in active pursuit of a robust and full welcome that expresses a radically, all-loving God-sized dream. Ask it, because you deserve something better than old theology dressed up in skinny jeans.
Everyone deserves a spiritual home, and if you need support in finding that spiritual home, I’m glad to help you find it... even if it's not the Abbey.
Blessings from your friendly, local Abbot,
Rev. Debra McKnight
P.S. There are many people who participate in church communities and they stand in the tension of disagreement about things like women’s participation in leadership and/or extending human rights to folks... sometimes LGBTQ+ folks and sometimes others. But this is with intention and not by accident. This is a hard and holy place, to dissent and love community at the same time. I understand this--there are aspects I long to see changed about my larger denomination, and I stay in that tension on purpose. And it is different from finding out by surprise. This is different from being shocked or hurt by a church you didn’t realize couldn’t love your gay brother.
