National Coming Out Day - 2020

Reflection by Sangeetha Kumar
October 11, 2020

Good morning, everyone! Happy National Coming Out Day! Thank you to my sweet Urban Abbey family for asking me to speak, I am truly humbled. Thank you to my family, friends, allies, and all who have supported me, challenged me and stood beside me during MY coming out as bisexual. Most importantly, thank you to my beloved partner, Erin, and to my beautiful stepsons, Kadin and Cameron, who breathed life into me when I didn’t think that I had any life left. And lastly but not leastly, (I know that’s not a word) I thank my Jesus who knew the inner parts of me before anyone else knew a thing.

To give context, "National Coming Out Day was inspired by a single march. 500,000 people participated in the March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights on October 11, 1987, generating momentum to last for 4 months after the march had ended. During this period, over a hundred LGBTQ+ identifying individuals gathered outside Washington, DC, and decided on creating a national day to celebrate coming out – this began on the 1st anniversary of their historic march." Quote from https://nationaltoday.com/national-coming-out-day/

It's interesting how marches start movements, marches move and movement marches and those moving marches continue to this day…But let me march on to more spiritual matters. Today, I am not going to share my personal story but rather share my thoughts on what coming out means.

Over these past few weeks, I have been praying about what to say and what scripture to use. And the only thing that kept coming up over and over in my mind was the passage of Lazarus. Many of you have heard the story of Lazarus, if you haven’t, please read John 11. It is a heartbreaking, confusing, confounding story of heartache, longing, waiting, betrayal, grief, sadness, tears, disbelief, joy and ultimately glory. It encompasses the shortest verse in all of scripture: Jesus Wept. (Think about that for a moment, the Son of the Almighty God is weeping—for one of us!) Jesus is asking Mary, Martha and all else who came to see and comfort them to move the stone where Lazarus was buried. They were confused and dismayed and even warned him about the odor! (There was no Febreze back then!) And Jesus responds with a prayer to his Heavenly Father that those around Him would believe Him and see this miracle and then He said, “Lazarus, come out!” Some translations say, “Lazarus, come forth.” Now you might be wondering, “What does this have to do with National Coming Out Day?” Well, here is the thing. All the emotions I mentioned—heartache, longing, waiting, betrayal, grief, sadness, tears, disbelief, joy and ultimately glory—are all the emotions of coming out—of coming forth. Lazarus went from death to life. THAT is the process of coming out—going from death to life; from being someone you are not, someone that is not life-giving, someone that is false, to being someone that is life-fulfilling, someone that is authentic and someone that is real. Death to life.

Let me take this one step further. Coming out for the LGBTQ+ community is about freedom. It is about liberation. It is coming out of hiding, coming out of despair, coming out of lying and coming INTO something that is genuine. I say this to students that I work with, there is a funny thing that happens when a person who is LGBTQ+ comes out. People all around you give you their thoughts and opinions about the issue at hand. For example, if you say, “Hey, I am interested in Joey.” If you are a woman interested in a man, people celebrate it and rejoice. If you are man saying you are interested in a man, people say, “Well, I agree or disagree”. Think about that. No one ASKED for permission or confirmation. They were just expressing their attraction and excitement, yet somehow people feel the need to approve or disapprove of a non-heterosexual relationship. Another thing happens when people come out, people who they are coming out to are now faced with what they think about “this issue” and the person coming out is left with having to process with the other person about the other person’s thoughts, beliefs and opinions are about the issue of being LGBTQ+. I feel this is unique to the coming out process, which is why it is hard to come out and scary at times, because ultimately, a person is accepted or rejected.

Going back to the idea of liberation…liberation is freedom. Freedom to be who you are, believe what you believe, think what you think, value what you value. There has been no other time in my life where that notion has been the most compromised other than now. People, we are in an election year during a pandemic! Who would have thought?!?!?! My point is this: liberation for the LGBTQ+ community means liberation for all! No matter gender, race, religion, sexuality, creed, social status, ability, etc.—each person has a right to live free. If you suppress one, you suppress the other. If you free one, you need to free the other. Christ called Lazarus forth, he commanded him to literally come out, and he meant that in his entirety—that ALL of him should be restored to wholeness in his coming out of the grave. That is what this day means—it is a restoration to that which is whole. This is an important thing to understand right now—in a time when people feel polarized, marginalized more than ever and people don’t listen much anymore—people are longing to be understood and to feel whole again. I feel this goes beyond our sexuality and speaks to our souls. Our souls are created to be free and to find freedom in the God who created us. When a person comes out, they are taking a risk—each and every time—because in case you didn’t know, a person who is LGBTQ+ has to come out over and over and over again, pretty much every time they meet someone new. But the risk they are willing to take is necessary in order to be authentically free, no matter the cost at times.

Finally, people who come out often feel that they have to choose between their sexuality and their faith. I say no. Urban Abbey says no. God knew this long before you did. God loves you and chooses you to be a part of the Kingdom. Think about this: if we are all created in the image of God—every single person on this planet—well, that is a BIG picture of God and the more we understand who are fellow humans are, the more we can understand the depth of God. As Jesus called Lazarus to come forth and to reveal His glory in overcoming death and producing life, He is still doing that today in the countless people He is calling forth to come out. As Rev. Debra says, “May it be so.”