Wednesday, February 27, 2019

First Thoughts on General Conference

Dear Urban Abbey Family,

First, we will not be moved. We will not change. We will include in every way. The Global church vote does not change our vision, our mission or our values. We will grow and we will love.

Second, my grief over the General Conference and its reprehensible outcomes is stronger than I predicted. I am angry and heartbroken and to be very honest, I have been hoping, crying and stringing together expletives. This feels like a death. Watching it for two days on the live feed was hard. I am grateful I didn’t have to do that alone. I shared this time with Chris Jorgensen and with many friends through text and time on the phone.

The church of my baptism, confirmation and ordination is breaking apart. The conservatives have out-maneuvered us once again. They are masterful and ruthless. This was on full display as most of the speeches against full inclusion were made by people from outside the United States. None of the political masterminds like, Rob Renfroe and Keith Boyette (feel encouraged to pray for them) had to speak hate into the body of the church themselves; they left that to a diverse community of folks from African countries, Russian communities and one guy from Mexico. Of course, one southern white guy did relish the opportunity to say progressives must be racist for disagreeing with these diverse voices, which perhaps is true. Most of us are recovering from the racist values woven through our culture. However, it is clear that this was a tactic, plain and simple, on the part of these conservatives. It was clear the sins of colonialism past and present are catching up with us and there was really nothing that could be done to out-vote the alliances conservatives had made with folks from outside of the United States.

Often the voices speaking against the full inclusion of our queer neighbors were women. One woman, Rev. Cara Nicklas from Oklahoma (that’s right I have a list and I am taking names) shared how she loves her lesbian niece even though she opposed her full inclusion. I will never understand how people think this passes as love. Women speaking up for exclusion bewilder me. To say this bothers me is an understatement, I grieve their internalized sexism and their commitment to the patriarchy. The Bible has more to say about women in church than it does about sexual ethics, and these women couldn’t even see how their own method of Biblical interpretation warranted their silence. Of course, citing the Bible is not uncommon at a church conference but is still complicated. In a late attempt to name the hypocrisy of the Traditionalist plan, delegates rose to speak against any divorced Bishop holding office in the church (and there are a few). This didn’t succeed but I did appreciate the effort. In one of my favorite moments, Rev. Emanuel Cleaver III from Missouri said, “If we are going to get Biblical, let’s get real biblical” and he preceded to witness the world we should be creating together, one of racial justice, one without the sin of sexism, one of compassion and inclusion - to the wild cheers of the assembly, even though cheering was banned.

We lost, we lost by so little and yet it feels like we lost everything. The votes were close, they were simple majorities. Two thirds of the American church voted for inclusion, but one third of the American church did not and international delegates voted with them. During the conference, ethics violations were raised and referred to investigation. Our own delegates shared conversations with those who witnessed vote buying, votes in exchange for promises, and other forms of bribery. The conservatives, bent on destruction of the North American church, sowed fear and misinformation among our global community and they did not care about the moral compromises they made in seeking that end. Methodists from countries where one can be prosecuted and violently punished for being queer, spoke of their fear that the One Church Plan would put them in danger, even though it would not. They literally did not have to change anything.

Moderates and progressives created plans that were thoughtful and reasonable, in good faith. I believed in these plans and in these leaders. All of the American bishops believed in them with the exception of three. I grow weary of being reasonable. The One Church Plan was reasonable, it was a great compromise. We are in a culture where starting at reasonable seems to be crushed. This I lament deeply in the church and in our national politics. It is as through we must start with something totally unreasonable to make progress and this feels disingenuous. I guess next time there is a debate about gun violence, I am going to propose legislation that says we are taking all of your guns and they will be melted into statues of every five year old killed at Sandy Hook and sent to every town in America. Totally unreasonable, but I guess now we can talk about background checks, or limits on magazines, or perhaps that average citizens don’t need military grade weapons.

Even for all of the grief and pain I carry in this moment, I was grateful to see something new. This time, all of the white guy pastors from big churches, (whom I have judged nine ways to Sunday in the past for being so moderate) showed up and got in the fight. They spoke for full inclusion. Moderate, cisgender, heterosexual white guys from some of the most powerful churches in our connection spoke for full inclusion. It was wonderful, powerful. If you watch their speeches you will feel fired up and perhaps even gesture dropping the mic at the end. I am grateful to these pastors particularly: Tom Berlin, Adam Hamilton, Mike Slaughter, and Matt Miofsky. Reverend Miofsky, a new church start pastor I admire and respect, came out in the very same place as us on inclusion and I feel less alone than ever before. For these colleagues and leaders, I give thanks. It warmed my heart. It shows where the real heart of the Methodist movement rests.

I watched in gratitude for our own delegates from the Great Plains, particularly Mark Holland, Amy Lippoldt, David Livingston and Cheryl Jefferson Bell. They spoke with passion, and knowledge of Robert’s Rules. When things looked like they were going down hill, Mark Holland lifted my spirits by picking up a stack of forms to amend the Traditionalist plan to its legislative death, saying “We are going to amend until the monster trucks roll in” - because there literally was a ton of dirt to spread on the floor and a monster truck show immediately following the conference. These delegates are politically savvy in a way that I admire and they work for the greater good.

I do not know what will happen next. But I do know that these votes are not the end of the story. Most of the plan that passed is unconditional. The super villains who pushed it through, knew that. They are ruthless and destructive. In fact, they are evil. It’s a word I struggle with and avoid most of the time because I dislike its use. This was a violence enacted by a small minority and it breaks my heart. The church of my birth, baptism, confirmation and ordination will cease to be as it has been. I feel deeply betrayed by the Bishops who even allowed the Traditionalist plan to come to the floor and by one of its authors, Bishop Scott Jones, whom has previously been helpful to the Abbey, standing in a hard spot when I needed him most.

The church that has loved me will not be as it has been. I grieve this. We have done so much good and they have broken our good name. We have historically been the moderate church in every town that welcomed folks, fed people, married and buried people other churches would not, started food banks and served the greater good. Our global missions have not tried to convert anyone or save any souls - sure we will help you if you are “saved”. I love our history and the ways it has shaped me. Perhaps I should have been more prepared for this reality. I believed we would find our way forward and it would honor the foundations of justice and grace that were seeded by Wesley. But as one delegate shared, “Resurrection happens and it’s not because anyone voted for it.”

I am also grateful to learn that I am deeply Methodist. I realize Rob Renfroe and Scott Jones disagree with me, but sometimes orthodoxy is a tool of oppression. They do not get to define Methodism. P.s. every theological school in the connection came out against the Traditionalist plan, so I’m in pretty good company. I believe in the connectional system. I love what we can do together. New life is coming. In the coming months we will learn the real details and the real impacts. So much of the plan was unconstitutional and the exit plan that was voted forward, was drafted by these supervillains and submitted as a minority report, overturning the exit plans the body had worked through the day before. The general conference body passed it because conservatives realized their power to organize their voting block. I don't even know what is in it and I was taking notes.

I do not know what the next steps are for the global church but I do know that we are not going to be different. We will continue to love people. I also know that in the coming weeks and months, the colleagues I trust and value will help me and us make sense of this time. Despite the terrible the headlines, the conservatives didn’t get everything they wanted, but they did wake a sleeping giant of angry moderates opposed to their regressive ideology.

I do know that I am deeply sad. I have experienced this as a death and I am in a process of grief. I understand if you are not. Many in the Abbey Community are here more because of the Abbey then because we are Methodist. I don’t ask you to grieve this death with me but I do ask you for a little grace while I do.

There will be a new way forward. The entire Western Jurisdiction (pretty much everything west of Nebraska) has already begun to organize. Rev. Adam Hamilton of Church of the Resurrection in Kansas City has, in a video post, hinted at conversations on the periphery of conference regarding new organizing strategies. I have colleagues I love who are hellbent on taking the church back. I don’t know if that is possible but I do love to bother conservative jerks or at least support folks that are doing it. In my heart, even as I am grieved, I think we will continue to be supported by our Bishop and our conference, their hearts are in our work. The Bishop has been affirming. This is not what they wanted. Right now I just want to pause and listen. I will be networking to stay on top of the options before us. I will work with our board in the coming months and with you as we know more details and there is greater clarity. Join us tonight before Grow Night at 5:45 pm and on Sunday.

I don’t know what the next step is yet. But I have faith in our work together. We are in a strong position to do the work we need to do in the world. And so I am going do the only thing I really can, which is my best to nurture and lead a strong, inclusive, badass local church. Because at the end of the day, these larger church votes don’t have the power to stop us from loving and including. At the end of the day, we are growing and dreaming.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for being a beacon of hope and inclusion. I am grateful.

Your friendly local Abbot,
Reverend Debra McKnight

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Reflecting on Chartering Sunday

A Sermon by Reverend Debra McKnight
Preached at Urban Abbey on February 17, 2019

Today we charter as a church. This is a milestone to celebrate our growth and it is part of a journey. If churches were formed simply by signing a charter, well this occasion would not be so rare in the modern mainline experience. Rather, chartering is much more like a wedding celebration after the years of dating, connecting, planning, disagreeing and dreaming. Weddings are moments of covenant that celebrate a beginning. They aren’t really a start as much as it is a declaration of intentions. Weddings are spaces where people make a commitment to how they will behave rather than how they will always feel; feeling one way forever is nearly impossible but setting an intention towards how you will journey together is the work of this public moment. It is a beginning only in the sense that there have been hundreds of other firsts and beginnings that have brought you this far, and on this day you celebrate a new beginning built on the wisdom of a hundred other firsts. Chartering feels similar, at least to me.

Today we charter and a charter is in its essence an intention toward how we will work together as a church. It is like a constitution or an agreement and, at its heart, is really a just a piece of paper. The United Nations has a charter. Recently, the University of Nebraska-Lincoln celebrated the 150th anniversary its charter. It is a piece of paper that only matters if we live into it. In some sense what makes a charter matter is how it creates something of an institution.

Of course, the word institution does not invite most of us to dream vast sweeping dreams. The word institution typically rings with red tape and resistance to change - even change that would save it. But if we can pause and look deeply, an institution has essential work, it is the work that preserves learning. We see this in science and medicine. Institutions perform this essential function of preserving the learning of one generation so the next can pull us all farther forward. The past is a launch pad for the future, at its best. This is a part of our chartering, preserving our learning.

We have learned by failing and failing and failing and failing. We have burnt milk, spilt milk and wasted milk. We have failed at the coffee bar and book orders, we have failed in small groups - most notably when I tried to lead all of them myself or when I tried to make them eight weeks long. We have even hosted a worship service where it would have been better to not have any music at all than the music we did have (it was along time ago). We have tried to host events and be open at the same time, which really just failed everyone in our space. We have learned so much and the best part of growing into the fullness of the church is that as we grow. We can harness these learnings, our boards and launch teams can structure with intention; our staff and leaders can do better thanks to the past. This is the gift of an institution, even a little one like ours.

Of course, we know how institutions can drift from their vision and essential task of preserving learning in service of the future. How they can become focused instead on the preservation of the institution. They become brittle, rigid, inflexible, filled with red tape and bureaucracy. It can be seen in reluctance to change or struggles with accountability. We charter today and we will be one of a few churches that charter this year in the Methodist Church. Churches were chartering all the time 150 years ago and some of them continue to be hubs of life in their communities, while many are quietly dying. That is not how they started. No one sets out to die. It starts in small ways, when people say, “Oh no that’s not very convenient for our staff, we would have to move schedules around.” It happens in church council meetings when someone says, “We can’t host that group, they smoke so much and we have to clean-up the cigarette butts on the ground.” Or “The preschool parents don’t care about us, they’re always on their phones, while their kids run around and make a mess; they spill juice and they break the books that are for our kids.” It happens when churches start to say, “no” to everything and growth is stifled before it starts. It happens when churches start to say, “yes” to everything, because they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Suddenly their yes means nothing because they have 30 ministries, partners, and programs they marginally support, rather than making a huge impact and staying the course with one or two key missions. It happens when churches start to store things, “Oh this was so special, we have to keep this, oh we can store it in this classroom.” And then they keep adding to it, storing more and more stuff until suddenly you have a wing of classrooms filled with the ghost of the past, or at least all the slide proctors, nativity costumes that were a hit in the 50’s and libraries of VHS tapes. I know pastors who spend their entire first year (or three) at a church cleaning out the past to make space for the future and being fought at every step of the way.

Churches don’t charter to die but they do die. They become focused on the service of their members; the comfort or convenience of their staff, their leaders, and their own groups, over the work of being present for others. They see a hallway full of running kids as a problem and forget to get out the coloring books, read stories, bring some treats and offer the kind of hospitality that Jesus would have to this group of tired parents and energetic kids. They forget that Sunday school is more than a class on Sunday. They forget that their space was built on the dream of it being hub for the community and that their work was for the transformation of the world. That is the risk of chartering. The risk of forgetting our call.

Chartering might involve a document but it is more than a piece of paper. There is another definition, one that is more verb or adverb than noun. You can charter a plane. You can charter a ship. You can move people and goods anywhere you want to around the world. Chartering begs us to set a course, it can keep us stretching and moving, growing and failing, learning and loving our way into deeper relationships. But only if we are intentional, thoughtful, and always willing to ask the hard questions of why are we doing this? Is it in keeping with our mission and vision and values? We don’t have to become inflexible and reluctant to change. Our learning can launch us deeper into new learnings and greater depth. Our willingness to stay focused on others, means our growth has a greater purpose and it will determine how we use our space, our time and our gifts. Chartering gives us this root of intentions to share together and a dream to journey on in love.

New churches are often called plants and their pastors are called church planters. I don’t know if they are more like farmers or gardeners but I love the metaphor, particularly as so much of the new church start culture is a little hyper masculine. I love the metaphor of tending and nurturing and even pruning. I love the metaphor of planting a seed and realizing like the farmer that the harvest is not your work alone, it is a vibrant combination of discipline, care, work and good fortune. You must have more faith than control in this work of planting. And the truth is I am terrible with plants. I would never make it as an actual farmer and I have failed as a gardener. And it is not for lack of trying. I have watered too much and too little. I have purchased sprays and food. I have failed so many times that I became well acquainted with the herb specialist at Mulhall's nursery and on one final visit she gave me mint and said, “This is an aggressive herb. You will be fine with mint.” She was wrong. That plant seemed dead and I put it outside for a week in July while I went to a training and when it came back it looked the best it ever had in my care. If I have planted anything that has survived, it is this.

We arrive at this day because I have not been alone. Eight years ago, folks listened and dreamed and brought their gifts to make this seed of an idea into a real place. Throughout every year and through every challenge, we have been gifted with teams have been filled with the people who knew about spreadsheets and historic permits, paint colors and plumbing, human resources and partnerships. When we started I didn’t even drink coffee. There were moments of hard decisions and missteps. We have worked hard, kept learning, and had some good fortune along the way. That is why we are here this day to celebrate. That is why we are here to dream.
Our charter says we are duly constituted and organized for the glory of God, the proclamation of the gospel and the service of humanity. I pray that if we do face a day of hard choices or hard finances, we give ourselves away to the very end, rather than die out in fearful self-preservation. I pray that we stay moored to our vision, rooted in our mission and work out of our deepest values. I pray that we ask ourselves hard questions, stay fluid and expansive all while preserving the learnings that can launch us into the most powerful expression of this work. I pray that we never shy away from this work in favor of our own comfort. I pray that we stay organized for the glory of God, the proclamation of the gospel and the service of humanity. I pray that in all we do we work to give life. And I ask you to pray this with me.
Amen.

Saturday, February 16, 2019

My Small Group Story

Dear Abbey Family, 

My first small group meeting was in July 2017. I was still fairly new to the congregation, having been hired that April, and so I was excited to get to know the other women in my group better. But, to be honest, I was also kind of terrified.

I didn't grow up in the church. I wasn't familiar with all the stories that we heard about on Sunday. I regularly had to Google terms I wasn't familiar with, like Pentecost or Epiphany. I quickly filled up a shelf with books about God, Jesus, and the Bible to read and reference and help me learn. When I accepted my position at Urban Abbey, I was excited for the opportunity to learn more about Christianity from within, but during my first few months I was so worried I would be "found out" by others... labeled, or treated with skepticism and concern... Nothing like that ever happened, of course, but when I sat down for my first small group meeting I was certain that this would be the space in which people would discover I was a "fake Christian," someone who didn't know enough, someone who shouldn't be working for a church.

I could not have been more wrong.

I was so pleasantly surprised at how warm and open everyone in my group was, how willing we all were from the start to be vulnerable and support one another on our journeys. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have been all that surprised, because this is exactly how I know everyone at Urban Abbey to be. But that meeting was the first time I felt comfortable saying out loud that I had grown up with a really negative idea of what Christianity is. I knew Christians to be the ones who called in threats to Planned Parenthood, who fought against marriage equality and talked about wives submitting to their husbands. My first small group meeting was the first space in which I felt comfortable saying out loud, "I really love the Abbey. I feel inspired every single week by Debra's sermons, and I really like the social justice principles of the United Methodist Church... but I'm just not too sure about carrying this label of 'Christian.' There's a lot of baggage, and I am still trying to figure it all out. I almost feel more willing to call myself 'Methodist' than 'Christian.'"

That statement was met with nods of understanding and agreement. I learned that I wasn't the only person at the Abbey who struggles with the label "Christian," and that I wasn't the only person still trying to figure things out spiritually. I also learned that embracing a faith tradition does not mean just checking boxes, but that it requires deep self-reflection and exploration... something that I've always tended to shy away from. My small group met me where I was and embraced me as exactly who I am. More than a year and a half later, our group is still going strong-- often meeting outside of "official" small group sessions. These women have become my close friends, confidants, people with whom I am still able to say, "I'm not sure about this," or "What did you think about the message on Sunday?" They are the people I know I can reach out to when I'm feeling overwhelmed or unsure. We have grown and expanded as a group, with new members joining us at different points, and others sometimes needing to take a break from meeting due to hardships or other obligations. But we are still always in connection, always caring and watching out for one another.

Every Sunday at the Abbey is life-giving for me, but it is within my small group that I have grown and formed the most spiritually. I am so excited for our upcoming Lent session, and I invite you to consider taking part in a small group alongside us. If you have any questions about small groups, please reach out to me anytime. My hope is that you will find the small group experience as grounding, as comforting, and as challenging as I have.

If you want to take part in a small group during our Lent session, small groups will meet once weekly during the week of March 10 through the week of April 7, 2019. To learn more about how our small groups work and to sign up to take part this spring, please take a few minutes fill out our Small Group Interest Survey at https://goo.gl/forms/v9Q67MfNdPqv5Tv43. All information is confidential and will used to help us find or build the right small group for you.

Thank you all for being a part of this journey with me.

Sierra

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Chartering Sunday, February 17th

Dear Abbey Family and Friends

We are chartering as a church. We began preview services in August of 2011. We began those services after a year of discernment and discussion that started in September of 2010. This moment is years in the making and I am ever grateful for all of the ways that people have cared for the every twist and turn of this adventure. There were moments of encouragement and critical leadership in the midst of significant challenge and uncertainty that brought us here, thank you for being a part.

On Sunday, the 17th of February, during our worship services, we will host a celebration in accordance with the Book of Worship and the Book of Discipline, both serious books! Please join us in the morning to celebrate with our District Superintendent, Rev. Chad Anglemyer. Below is a part of the service that the District Superintendent will say and it will be on the charter that all charter members sign.

In accordance with the laws and Discipline of the United Methodist Church
Urban Abbey United Methodist Church
is duly constituted and organized for the glory of God,
the proclamation of the gospel, and the service of humanity.

I invite you to join me in praying these words, reading them, speaking them, writing them - whatever works for you in the days leading up to the 17th of February. We have come so far, but this is only a milestone, not the destination. It is a celebration of discipline and good fortune, mistakes and course corrections, relationships and partnerships, and it is a space of reflection for what might be next. It is a way to pause in gratitude and to launch into deeper work, in the hope of reaching new milestones.

This is a day when we root into our tradition and claim space in the movement that Wesley inspired generations before us. A moment that is rooted in practice and a shared method, rather than a memorized creed. Our practice calls us to grow into seeing like God sees and loving like God loves. The possibility of our growth is born out of an ever present, all loving God. This practice is practical and everyday; it is personal transformation for the transformation of the world. It is born not out of our brokenness, heavy with original sin, but out of our creation in the image of God and the love that is so deeply woven into each one of us that we may be transformed. It is this practice of faith that we claim space through our chartering. In our chartering, we are called to continue the work. I pray that we have the courage.

Please join me in praying every day. I am stopping to pray at 10:00 (am and pm) every day, if you would like to join me at that time. Please join us on Sunday the 17th of February at 9:00 am, 11:00 am, and 5:30 pm.

Blessings from your friendly local Abbot
Rev. Debra McKnight

P.S. There will be cake and, at 11:00 am, Rabbi Steven Abraham is even going to offer us a Hebrew blessing.