What Does Pride Mean to Me Today?

A Sermon by Paige Hruza
Preached at Urban Abbey on June 30, 2019

Pride holds a very different meaning for me today than it once did. Growing up, I felt that having pride meant that I must be the best at anything I attempted. It meant I must never ask for help. That I be super human and never make mistakes. Pride was never crying, no matter how bad I hurt. Pride was something I should feel when others saw me being my best. I spent over half my life trying to be all of that and more, so that others would be proud of me. What I learned is that pride had to come from the inside. No amount of acceptance from others would be enough to make me a person I could be proud of. Especially when I had lived my life in a lie.

Twenty two years ago I fell in love with Suzie. It was was though my fear of who I was meant to be had vanished. I remember that I felt proud to tell my disapproving family that I was in love with this beautiful person. That I was happy for the first time in my life. And their responses did not diminish my pride. The shame was gone and I had come alive.

Some things came to mind as I pondered the question of what pride means to me today…

I feel pride when our grandchildren run and jump into my arms, because I know that I have been there for them as a loving grandma and they want to spend time with me. They like who I am because when I am with them, I can’t help but be me.

I feel pride when I walk hand in hand with Suzie, whether alone or amongst others, because I know how very much I am loved and I know how very much I love.

I feel pride when I fully invest myself in a day’s work and know that I have given all I have on that day.

I feel pride when I give grace to others and take interest in their struggle, rather than my own.

I feel pride when I pause to look at another person and share a smile, a kind word, encouragement.

I feel pride when I share stories of my family.

I feel pride when I see our four loving children and know that I have given them all I have and that I love them as much as any parent can love their child.

I feel pride when I remember the gifts I came away with while spending seven months in a homeless shelter.

I feel pride when I take care of myself, knowing I am no longer a tornado, roaring through loved one’s lives and leaving a path of pain.

I feel pride when our children lovingly refer to us as “the moms”.

I feel pride when I walk in the Pride parade with our Urban Abbey family.

I feel pride when I reflect on how I’ve crawled up from the darkest of times to be present in the light of today, because I allowed others to lift me.

And I feel pride every time I walk through the doors of this church community.

In the context of pride month, I celebrate the gifts of being free to be me. I can’t say that I take pride in being gay, but I can say that I take pride in being a child of God and honoring who I am created to be. When I think of how I reference myself, “gay “ is not the first thing that comes to mind. Being gay is only one of thousands of characteristics that have been given to me. I think of my relationship with Suzie. One that can be an example and bring life to those around us. I have had a few encounters where I have been subject to discrimination individually, and of course, over 20 years of discrimination in our society. Though I have been blessed, as we have been able to surround ourselves with people who love and cherish us, and at times, that has meant leaving some behind. One think I know about me is that because of my experiences, I am and will always be an advocate for those who are marginalized and I take pride in that.

I feel pride when I assist in finding shelter for one who has none.

I feel pride when I can share a gift with another who has no means of earning.

I feel pride when I stop to talk with someone who can’t lift their head to speak.

I feel pride when I am able to share a tiny spark of hope with another who can’t see their own.

I feel pride when I reach out to another who is grieving.

I feel pride when I take part in a larger group that is caring for those without.

I feel pride when I pause to hear what another really needs and wants.

I feel pride when I approach and start conversation with a person who is standing alone amongst many because they don’t feel they can fit in.

I feel pride when I say to a person “I love you”.

I do these things because for me, creating pride means giving back what’s been given to me by others. Every person here has given me something special today and I mean that, sincerely. I walked in here. I felt welcomed. I feel loved. I feel cared about. And I feel alive. So, thank you. May each of you take pride in what you’ve shared with me today.