Processing your grief
Grief is unavoidable. It has happened to you, and it will continue to happen at times in your life. Everyone grieves. And grief doesn’t only happen following a death. Grief is your response to a loss in your life. ANY loss can bring about grief. Grief brings about many feelings and changes in us that keep us from thriving. Most certainly, the Covid-19 situation we are enduring has brought about grief. I think it is important to take the time to examine and process this grief.
I encourage you to sit down in a quiet place, perhaps outside on a nice day, and write down a list of the things you have lost since your life began to be affected by Covid-19. I think you’ll be surprised at just how much you find. You may not find a single loss you consider serious or catastrophic. But you will likely find a series of small to moderate losses that have added up to impact you, bringing grief to your life.
Maybe you lost a chance to close out a relationship in person. Maybe you missed a one-time event that a loved one was supposed to participate in, and now you will never be able to experience that moment. Maybe you have lost the sense of freedom you used to feel when going out in public. Maybe you have lost your job or a portion of your income. Maybe you have lost the ability to spend time with an older family member who is likely not going to be around much longer, and you wonder when you will ever be able to hug him or her again.
Once you have named the losses you have experienced, think about each loss individually, and ask yourself, “What feelings do I experience when I think about that loss?” Not all the losses will have the same set of feelings. You might be angry at one loss and disappointed about another. You might have several different feelings with a particular loss.
Finally, take your losses, and the feelings attached to those losses, and share them with someone who is a good listener and cares about you. If possible, do it in person. If that’s not possible, do it through the phone or one of the online communication platforms. And, if you’re not ready to share it with someone, at least share it in writing through a journal or poetry. While doing any of the above, assume that the love of God is with you. And although sharing these things might not magically wipe all your grief away immediately, you are likely to feel significantly better by simply going through this process and naming what you are thinking and feeling. By taking the time to reflect on your grief, you will grow as a person and become more whole for the long-term.
Caring for someone who is grieving
Knowing that grief comes from loss and that everyone has lost something during this Covid-19 time, you could potentially be of great help to someone else. Maybe your grief is mild, but you live with someone, or you know someone, who is having a very difficult time. Here is how you can help that person, and it is not that difficult – it just takes time, sincerity, and a willingness to listen deeply.
Contact the person who is struggling. Acknowledge to that person that this has been a challenging time for everyone, you included. Then, put yourself out there to get the ball rolling. Talk to that person about a few of the things you have lost during this time period and how it has made you feel. Then, in a sincere tone, ask the person if he/she is willing to share about any struggles he/she is having. Let that person know you care about him/her and you simply want to allow that person to be heard. Use what you know about your own losses and feelings to help this person examine his/her own.
If the person you are trying to help is more closed off for the time being, consider just acknowledging that this may be a hard time for that person and that you are open and willing to listen should he/she ever want to talk.
Like with most things, communication about losses and grief is most effective in person. But, if the person you are checking in with is not living with you, do the best you can. A phone call or online video chat may be what you need to use.
Ask for God’s guidance as you reach out in love to the hurting person.
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