Reflection by Maria Walker
September 20, 2020
Matthew 9:7-12
7 And he stood up and went to his home. 8 When the crowds saw it, they were filled with awe, and they glorified God, who had given such authority to human beings.
9 As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man called Matthew sitting at the tax booth; and he said to him, “Follow me.” And he got up and followed him.
10 And as he sat at dinner[a] in the house, many tax collectors and sinners came and were sitting[b] with him and his disciples. 11 When the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 12 But when he heard this, he said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.
I have lived in Omaha, Nebraska for 10 years. An entire decade. And I still sound like this. I am not shy about sharing the fact that I grew up in the south. The sounds of the south, recipes, mannerisms, and colloquialisms are still a part of me and are not forgotten. As Scout, my oldest daughter, said to me the other day, “I forget you have an accent until one of my friends says to me, ‘Your mom has an accent!” She is also the child that recognizes when I am leaning into my southern roots as the other day, we are sitting directly beside one another at the kitchen table, I can hear her on a virtual class. The teacher asks, “Scout, are you here?” She replied with, “Yes.” I immediately call out, “Ma’am. Say ‘Yes, ma’am.” My daughter looks at me with slight annoyance, but still kindly tells me, “No one here talks that way”, and refocuses on her class. It’s as though she has reached out and patted my hand and said, “Mama, bless your heart.”
There are many things I still cherish about growing up southern: Duke’s mayonnaise, sponge curlers, excessive monograms, grits, and the phrase, “Bless your heart.” Perhaps you have heard this phrase on television, seen it in a meme, used it yourself, or had it said to you. Bless your heart.
You may know it has a double meaning. At face value, it truly means bless you. It can be an expression of sympathy, love, or comfort. Typically, when used in this manner, the phrase is accompanied by a hug, a kiss on the cheek, or if you are hearing it from me I usually clarify with, “For real. I am being sincere.”
But there is a second meaning to this phrase that is, arguably, less kind. “Bless your heart” can also be a way to question someone’s actions or behaviors without directly saying, “That is so wrong.” Using ‘bless your heart’ can give you a pass to, as the young folks say, “Rekt someone” without the harshness of “getting rekt”.
Perhaps the equivalent here in Nebraska is awkward silence?
We also use the phrase, “From a place of love” in the Walker home. It is usually prefaced with the question, “Can I give you some feedback?” and then, “It’s from a place of love.” I can recall a time when a much younger Robin, our youngest daughter, came to me crying. She said, “Scout just called me a name. And it was not from a place of love.” I am not sure they understood that the phrase, “from a place of love” didn’t give you a pass to demean your sister.
Bless your heart gives you permission to challenge someone while at the same time nullify any cruelty that may be stated or implied. In the scripture today, I imagine it as a time Jesus would have said to the Pharisees, “Bless your heart.”
Jesus was brought a paralyzed man, told the man to stand up and walk, and the man did just that! Folks that gathered and witnessed this “were filled with awe”. I imagine their faces also reading astonishment in addition to that awe. Jesus kept on doing Jesus. He was walking along, spotted Matthew, a tax collector, and said, “Follow Me”. After a paralyzed man walks after Jesus tells him to, I don’t think Matthew could say no to that.
They sit down to dinner and others join Jesus, Matthew, and his disciples. And you all know what happens next. The Pharisees had to ask, “Why does your teacher do this?” I always hear this question with a very judgmental and condescending tone. “Why does your teacher do this?”
The remainder of the passage plays out with Jesus, of course, hearing this. I picture Jesus breaking bread for folks, making room for one more person at the table, passing plates right to left and left to right… anyway he can. Then he hears the Pharisees asking, “Why is he doing this?” Jesus, perhaps, does not miss a beat and looks at the Pharisees “How shallow and uneducated must you be to not already know the answer to that, bless your heart.” Then I hear one of the others that have joined the table shout out, “Get rekt”, and see heads nodding. Perhaps this is the southern interpretation of this passage, so I will stop there with my commentary.
Jesus didn’t bless anyone’s hearts in that moment, but Jesus did let them know that dining with ‘those people’ is exactly what should be happening. Mercy for others is the desire of the Divine. Compassion is the motivation for connection. I think the phrase “bless your heart” can include that same mercy.
When we say bless your heart, we acknowledge that we don’t agree with what someone has said or done. We have given a definitive “No, thank you” to whatever is offered. But we also offer a blessing to that same person. As Debra has shared with me in the past, “it has a redemptive quality to it.”
Blessing hearts can be the thing that allows folks to stay in relationship when tension exists. It can be a way to boundary up when we enter challenging conversations in these 6 weeks prior to Election Day. It can offer a challenge to spoken beliefs that may not seem congruent with mercy or compassion and still offer that same mercy and compassion to the speaker.
I acknowledge this approach may not feel as comfortable for some as others. I’ve been blessing hearts for 43 years. It may feel intimidating or overwhelming to challenge or disagree with folks while still being present with mercy, love, and compassion. But I hope you will take today’s message as a challenge to bless a few hearts in the coming months, both in word and deed.
Be courageous and challenge when folks are questioning generosity. When asked, “Why would you do that?” Because that is what we are called to do, bless your heart. Challenge the notion that select individuals are gatekeepers to mercy, compassion, and kindness because of their role, status, or own self proclamation. When asked, “Why would you help those people?” Because I can, bless your heart. Challenge misinformation and misuse of the gospel. “Why would you do that?” Bless your heart.
One of my favorite songwriters, Jason Isbell, acknowledges the struggle of dissension coupled with optimism. He writes:
He goes on to say:
I've heard enough of the white man's blues
I've sang enough about myself
So if you're looking for some bad news
You can find it somewhere else
Last year was a son of a bitch
For nearly everyone we know
But I ain't fighting with you down in a ditch
I'll meet you up here on the road
As we meet up here on the metaphorical road, may we hold each other’s hearts in love and warmth. We are blessed to be in this community that offers space for that love and warmth, and affirms all people. We are blessed and can then bless others. May we go forward this week from places of love and courage and approach our world with blessings to share. Bless all our hearts. May it be so.
No comments:
Post a Comment